Thursday, August 16, 2007

Better Protect Your 5-Hole

Former San Jose Shark Mark Bell was whistled down for DUI and hit-and-run, and will serve 259,000 minutes in the Santa Clara County penalty box.

As a part of his no contest plea, the newest Maple Leaf will be allowed to serve his 6-month sentence during the next two NHL off-seasons. When asked how this will affect his off-season regiment, Bell stated “I am thrilled at the opportunity to improve my skills of sitting around and doing nothing.”

Bell posted career lows of 11 goals and 10 assists during his 71 games with San Jose. Sharks fans, while disappointed with the winger’s brief tenure, are said to be elated he will finally be shown how to fit a cylindrical object into a tight space.