Sharks Fall 2007 Promotion - Take 2

Look Into My Crystal Balls

The puck officially drops tomorrow on the 2007-2008 NHL season as the Ducks and the Kings square off in London, where anticipation is at a fever pitch.

A new season means expert predictions, and apparently the Sharks have impressed a unique pair of would-be Carnacs.

First up, we have The Canadian Press's panel of 7 hockey writers. 1 vote for the Rangers, 1 vote for Detroit, 1 vote for Anaheim, 4 votes for San Jose. "Expert" predictions are worth about as much as power rankings or the U.S. dollar so I'm not putting too much faith in this.

What I am putting my faith in is Electronic Arts' NHL '08 prediction! WHOO! Big Joe wins the Conn Smyth! We down the hated and feared Pittsburgh Penguins! This sounds thrilling and totally plausi....

"The Oilers upset Joe Sakic and the Colorado Avalanche in 7 games in the opening round and continued their uphill battle by defeating the defending champs in 6 games in front of the Oil faithful in Alberta."

Hmm. Lets just play the games. 1 week until the Sharks season opener!

Since When Is Public Consumption Of Alcohol A Crime?

From the HP Pavilion website: "Tailgating: Tailgating in the HP Pavilion parking lots is prohibited per San Jose City Ordinance. Violators will be cited and fined for having an open BBQ flame or open container of alcohol."

Watch out, or the purple-coated Gestapo will get you. This makes a lot of sense, actually, because who could forget the Great Slow Burning, Half Extinguished Coal Fire of 1938? Oh wait, we all could, because it never happened.

The worst thing that can happen at a tailgate is running out of those delicious Ballpark Franks. They plump when you cook 'em! That, or drunkenly plowing your car through a bus load of school children. They plump when you lacerate 'em!

Sharks Fall 2007 Promotion - Take 1

Sexoguchi

Red alert! Blogger coverage of hockey! Red Alert!



From a personal favorite - LOL Jocks

Meet and Greet with Craig Rivet - 9/10

As promised, I attended the "Face Off with Craig Rivet", a meet-and-greet with the veteran defenseman held at the Sharks Store.

The crowd was sizeable but not overwhelming. In fact, I arrived just as Rivet began signing. By the time I got in, I was one of the last 10 people with about 30 minutes remaining in the event.

I will admit Rivet surprised me - the big man was extremely personable, was more than willing to answer all of my questions, and had no accent whatsoever.

I brought with me the questions of the dozens and dozens of bucketheads. After poring over the submissions, I decided to go it alone and ask a deeply scrutinizing question:

"Craig, I just got back from Vegas. What do you think the odds are for the Sharks to win the Cup?"

"I'd have to say pretty good..."

Crap. Well, I guess its better than him telling me how much Tocchet's got him down on the books for. Rivet proceeded to give the company line about how San Jose will be a very good team for a very long time, he wouldn't sign here if he didn't believe in the team, yada yada yada...

I also asked who he thought the 6th D-Man would be. He said he was excited about that "Semen guy" (no joke) and that Doug Murray had lost 10 lbs. but still hit like a truck. That made my ears perk up a bit - I can't tell you if Dougie should be playing at 235 or 245, but it sounds like he's been putting the effort into increasing his agility.

I thoroughly enjoyed meeting one of the newest members to the Sharks family and can't wait to talk Rivet up again. But next time, I'll ask a better question: Are you still Perkisizing?

Damnit

When did this happen?

An Insult to the Eyes

I simply refuse to believe that someone, anyone, in the Sharks department looked at these and said, "OK".

The Sharks' Jersey Designer, hard at work.

This thing is an abomination. If it was a child, I would throw it in a dumpster to save it a life of shame. The next time I go camping, I'll tell a creeeeeeeepy story about the jersey that went to sleep looking slick and intimidating - then woke up, COVERED IN ORANGE!!!! The horror!


The updated logo was a bit jarring, but marginally acceptable. The image above, released on Monday was shocking and insulting. But actually seeing these jerseys on players was worse than I could have possibly imagined.

Image borrowed liberally from Sharkspage

Where to begin?

• It's so busy! Do we really need the player's number on both sleeves, the back, and the front breast? So the captains will have an additional patch? Where?
  
• Continuing the trend of unnecessary excess, what's the point of having a shoulder patch look exactly the same as the main logo? Why was there an updated "fin" logo if we're not going to use it where it should obviously go?
  
• I absolutely despise the black splotch on the shoulders. It looks like there's a fucking propeller around the neck.
• You can barely see it on Grier in the above pic, but the numbers on the back look especially hideous with the orange piping.
• The teals above look bad, but nowhere near as awful as the whites. Again, look at Grier above. So white jerseys, white socks, orange and teal piping, with black pants?
• I just noticed the arbitrary patch on the shorts. I'm apparently still finding things to dislike about the new uniform.

The worst thing I can say about the jerseys is this: Some part of me does not want the Sharks to win the Cup this year, because they would be immortalized wearing this garbage. Please change this shit, Sharks, and stop embarrassing us.

Drop The Puck - It's Time To Go

Tonight the Sharks host the Anaheim Ducks in the first preseason home game of the year. Of course it is a preseason game and nearly a month before the regular season opener, but I'm still elated.

The Tank is like a second home, and my second home just got 4 new 90" HDTVs and a kick-ass surround sound upgrade. Fuck my first home.

I'll get the chance to see the new jerseys in person for the first time. Also, for the first time, I'll get to drunkenly yell about how we look like an NFL Europe team. It's good to have something to look forward to.

In all seriousness, I'm most anticipating watching the back-up goalie auditions. Who was the last subpar Sharks goalie? I honestly can't remember. Here's hoping Greiss and Patzold keep the tradition alive.

Who The Fuck Is This Guy?

News Flash - Sharks Promotions Department is Full of Assholes

I just got back from the Rivet signing (report coming soon) when I opened my e-mail to see this subject line:

News Flash - Sharks Moving to New Jersey

Ignoring every ounce of reason, I completely freaked out. One of my traumatic childhood memories was the press conference announcing the Giants' move to Florida (which obviously never happened). I called my buddy, in tears, to talk to him about it. He responded, "I don't care, I'm an A's fan". A's fans are such pricks.

The Sharks aren't moving to New Jersey. New Jersey has a hockey team. The season starts in a month. The next team to move will go to Las Vegas (please!). None of this occurred to me when I clicked that message.

The e-mail announced the Sharks' new jerseys will debut in one week, September 17th. All I have to say: about goddamn time. And if any of you got a voicemail from me around 5:30 today, please delete it. JUST FORGET ABOUT IT OK!?!

Questions for Craig Rivet

The Sharks Store at The Tank is hosting autograph sessions with Patrick Marleau today and Craig Rivet on Monday.

I met our Captain in person just once, at a nice Italian restaurant in Los Gatos. He was chatting up the hostess, and I was trying to keep my man-love boner in check. Note, this was before he single-handedly blew the Detroit series. Now he only gives me a man-love chubby.

Slots-Of-Fun, $1 Michelobs, and pocket Aces beckon me, so I can't go to the Marleau signing. However, I will definitely attend the Craig Rivet signing.

I'd like to make this the first unofficial Chum Bucket interview, so if you have a funny, intelligent question that won't get me knocked out by a 210 lb. Canadian, leave it in the comments.

What Happens Here, Stays Here

In anticipation of my impending trip to the most magical place on earth and the home of your 2008 Predators - Las Vegas, Nevada - let's take a look at Bodog's NHL lines for the upcoming season:

Odds to win the Stanley Cup
1. Anaheim Ducks - 4/1
2. Detroit Red Wings - 5/1
3. Ottawa Senators - 5/1
4. San Jose Sharks - 7/1
5. New York Rangers - 15/2
...
30. Chicago Blackhawks - 90/1

Huh. Well. No surprise seeing Anaheim and Detroit at the top. It must suck being a level-headed New York fan, because the lines for your teams are always ridiculous. I'd handicap the Sharks more at 10/1, but I suppose they are a sexy pick. I'd bet on the perpetually competitive Devils at 20/1, or even the Thrashers at 25/1.

Other weird disparities:

• The Flyers, far-and-away the worst team in the NHL last year? 15/1
• Los Angeles is also victimized by the "bigger the city, bigger the morons" syndrome, handicapped at 20/1
• Minnesota gets a generous line for never doing anything - 15/1
• Some lines I actually like - Calgary at 17/1, Dallas 25/1, Nashville 20/1, and my upset pick - St. Louis at 35/1.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find a casino with the Colts at -6. Vegas baby.

It's Not So Much Me...

The Sharks just signed handsome gentleman Jeremy Roenick to a 1-year deal... whosawsit? Jeremy Roenick?

Obviously, no one other than Doug Wilson saw this coming. First off, San Jose Shark - Phoenix Coyote Player Exchange Program works the other way - where we send them all our washed up has-beens (see Ricci, Nolan), not the other way around. Second, weren't there reports 2 months ago saying the elder statesman was all but retired? Third, we Sharks fans like our players young, quiet, and cheap. Roenick only fulfills that last requirement, signing for an alleged $500,000.

Thinking this over again, though, I can almost see how this makes sense. The team desperately needs some vocal leadership. Patrick Marleau fits the lead-by-example mold of a Captain. However, its hard to lead by example when you completely disappear and blow assignments in critical playoff games. Who on the Sharks would call him out? Joe? Cheech? Hannan? Speaking of Hannan, we have an empty "A" for next season... If Roenick provides vocal leadership without spouting off with too much bullshit, the Sharks can certainly improve with his presence.

The bigger question will be Roenick's place on the ice. Let's take a look at those Centers:

• Patrick Marleau
• Joe Thornton
• Joe Pavelski
• Curtis Brown
• Marcel Goc
• Patrick Rissmiller
• Mark Smith (?)
  
• Jeremy Roenick

He won't bump Patty or Joe, and probably not Brownie, but that means Pavelski, Goc, Smith, and Rissmiller will have to do more time at the wing and/or take an ice time hit. And what the hell is he gonna do out there? He won't crack the top 2 scoring lines and doesn't have the legs to work with the grinders... GRRRRR... getting angry... Why do we have 18 goddamn centers but only 1 true left wing and 5 D-Men?!?!?!?!

Ok, Ok, that's not the point of this post. I'm happy we got a vocal leader for super-duper cheap. I just wish we got that in the same package as a LW or D-man who isn't old enough to be my dad.