Stay Safe, Away From Police Checkpoints

Happy New Year, Bucketheads! Remember to be safe, use a designated driver, and stay far away from million dollar houses in Los Gatos and Saratoga.

For The Rest Of Us

A lot has been made of the Sharks' various problems lately - inability to beat good teams, terrible shootout performance, poor on-ice leadership, etc.

These critics just can't see the holiday spirit when its happening right before their eyes - The San Jose Sharks are celebrating Festivus!

• First, we have Pavelski giving us the Festivus Pole (0:30):
  

Shootout goals, like tinsel, are distracting.

• Next, we have The Airing of Grievances. From The Mercury News:

"At the prompting of General Manager Doug Wilson, the players held a closed-door, marathon meeting without the coaches present as they tried to sort out why a trendy pick to compete for the Stanley Cup continues to perform below expectations.

Consider this your official confirmation: Nobody is happy in Sharksland."

• And finally - The Feats of Strength.

While the head of household wasn't wrestled to the ground, Jeremy Roenick was... Hmmm...


Festivus is officially celebrated tomorrow, December 23rd. But maybe, just maybe, we'll get an early Festivus Miracle - a regulation W over Anaheim.

Good, Ole Fashioned

Ass Whuppin'. I'm liking Sharks hockey right now.

1:52

Goal of the Year. Beat that.

Merry Christmas... To Me!

Big Ups to ESPN's UniWatch directing me to VintageMask.com, where you can order replica masks from hockey's golden age. Any and all of these would make a great gift for your very favorite Sharks blogger!

BREAKING NEWS: Sharks Rout Wild 4-1 on the Breakout Game of Not Joe Thornton

Shock and awe reverberate through the San Jose community today, as not Joe Thornton scored 4 consecutive goals to defeat the Minnesota Wild, 4-1. “I just kept moving my skates and had my stick on the ice,” someone other than Joe Thornton said, “The puck just found its way to me.”

What makes this victory really stand out, though, was the play of everyone other than Joe Thornton coming into the game. Each of those players was in a slump going back to the very first game of the season. Some had even been moved to the press box as a healthy scratch. An underperforming young forward stated, “Coach told me to be ready to go at any minute, to get ready for that next pass from Big Joe. I just had no idea anyone else on this team actually knew how to pass. Or score. Or defend.”

Sabre'd

That hurts.

Sweetness

Good shit, Obsessed Sharks Fan, for posting this sick replay of Big Joe's Globetrotter-esque pass. Now, if we could only get some Sweet Georgia Brown in the background.

Happy Holiday!

I didn't get the chance to do a Thanksgiving post, mostly because I really really wanted to photoshop a Shark devouring a turkey, but then got lazy and figured it wasn't worth the post anyways. Here's a summary - I'm thankful the Sharks record is better than their effort.

On a lighter note, today is Repeal Day! For you uneducated troglodites who choose to ignore the lessons of history, the US Government repealed the prohibition on alcohol 74 years ago today. Citizens cast off the shackles of sobriety, walked proudly into their local drinking establishment, then stumbled out 5 hours later, vomitting in the streets and waking up next to a depression-era prostitute who smelled like cheese and poverty. Kinda makes you proud to be an American, doesn't it?

What does this have to do with hockey? If you're asking that, you're reading the wrong blog.



Happy Repeal Day!