Top 10 Games To Get Shitfaced At

The NHL released full schedules a couple of days/weeks/eons ago, so thus I proudly present to you...

In chronological order:

#1. Thursday October 9th vs. Anaheim

Opening Night. Division Rival. Close enough to a weekend. Oh fuck yes! Home openers are always special so make sure you're at The Tank, you're loud, and you're drunk. Let's keep the lights on this time.

Recommended beverage - Gotta go big or go home on the first night. Irish Car Bomb.

#2. Tuesday October 28th vs. Pittsburgh

Sid the Kid's first career visit to the loudest arena in hockey and let's not forget about Russian wunderkind Evgeni Malkin. San Jose took out the eventual Eastern Conference Champs last year on their ice; time to do it at home too.

Recommended beverage - Anything from the duty-free shop at the airport. Because fuck alcohol taxes, that's why.

#3. Saturday November 8th vs. Dallas

San Jose's 07/08 campaign met its demise at the hands of these jerkoffs. Only steers and queers come from Texas, and they don't look like steers to me so that kinda narrows it down.

Recommended beverage - Jack Daniels. Revenge should be bitter and make me want to puke.

#4. Thursday November 13th vs. Calgary

Our less successful playoff opponent from last year. Love Kiprusoff and Iginla, love to hate Phaneuf.

Recommended beverage - Labatt Blue. Not everything from Canada sucks as much as Dion Phaneuf.

#5. Saturday November 22nd vs. Washington

The most electrifying player in the NHL, Alexander Ovechkin, takes to the ice at HP Pavilion. Also, on a Saturday, so you can wake up at 3 p.m. the next day and watch football if you're into that kind of thing.

Recommended beverage - Champagne. A bit early? Yes, but I won't be shitfaced at this game; I'll be shitfaced at my buddy's wedding. It's a celebration bitches!

#6. Tuesday December 2nd vs. Toronto

Ronny Wilson comes back to San Jose, says something snarky to Patrick Marleau, igniting him for a 4 goal outburst. Also, the SJPD will be on hand to give Mark Bell a personalized escort from the Santa Clara County jail.

Recommended beverage - 40 oz. of Mickey's. Just like Ron-Ron, it was good enough and got the job done for a while, then I got fucking sick of it and was happy to see it go. Also, the drink du jour of many Santa Clara County inmates.

#7. Tuesday January 13th vs. Tampa Bay

I love the new schedule. Another team I've heard of in rumor and hearsay only, the Tampa Bay Lightning, brings their roster of young stars and unfulfilled potential to town. Also, Barry Melrose's mullet and Dan Boyle showing why he's worth the money.

Recommended beverage - smuggled in flask of Seagrams. Dan Boyle earns $6,000,000 a year. Maybe he can afford $8 stadium beers.

#8. Saturday January 31st vs. Chicago

Speaking of big money, welcome back Brian Campbell! Not really. Normally, I wouldn't boo a guy that was only in town for a few weeks then left to sign a fat contract. However, normally I'm not done with a 5th of scotch by 7:30 p.m. So fluck you, ashhole!

Recommended beverage -5th of scotch, of course.


#9. Saturday March 14th vs. Los Angeles

There are plenty more deserving opponents and games on the schedule this year, however not a single one takes place during February or March. Start saving your cash for playoff tickets and only go out on Saturday night to the Sharks destroy the other Jack Johnson.

Recommended beverage - Pabst Blue Ribbon in a can. We're saving to get premium playoff seats, damnit! Save the premium beers for a legitimate opponent.

#10. Saturday April 4th vs. Anaheim

Now this is more like it. San Jose faces their division rival for the final time at home with just 5 games left in the season. This is the real fan appreciation night.

Recommended beverage - Gordon Biersch Marzen. Something home grown for our boys in teal. Go Sharks.



And you? Any other games you're looking forward to? Any beverages you'll be imbibing this year? Just 66 days until the puck drops on the regular season, Sharks fans.