Inside The Empire

In honor of Ron Wilson and the Toronto Maple Fails visit to the Tank tonight, I'm throwing up an old post I finished put never put on the site. This was written almost 1 year ago to the date (11/30) and concerns the infamous 8-hour Q&A session between Doug Wilson and Ron Wilson prior to the 07-08 season. Somehow RW managed to salvage his job, and would go on to drive San Jose right into a brick wall. Who wouldn't want to revisit that high point in Sharks history? Enjoy!

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Setting: Doug Wilson's utilitarian office in stately HP Pavilion. The walls and furniture are a steely coat of gray. Hidden beneath the desk, a tiny chest contains the soul of former Boston GM Mike O'Connell. It is one week after the Sharks premature playoff exit this past spring (Ed: Now 2 springs ago, vs. Detroit in 06-07, not the premature playoff exit vs. Dallas in 07-08. UGH. Anyways...).

*The door to the office creaks open*

Ron: C...C..Commander Wilson?

*The enormous black egg-shaped regenerating chamber lets out a sigh as it gradually separates and opens. A perfectly-coiffed toupée lowers slowly, then rests neatly atop the General Manager's head. He swivels to face Ron Wilson.*

Doug: Yes, Admiral Wilson?

Ron: Sir, our team came close to beating the Red Wings... but they had Zetterberg... and Marleau was out of position... Joe can't do it all...

Doug: ZETTERBERG DOES NOT CONCERN ME, ADMIRAL! I want that Cup, not excuses! Now, what is your plan, or perhaps General Zettler would be better suited for the task? Do not fail me again.

Ron: *nervous* Plan. Right. OK... OK... plan... *fumbles with some papers, sweating* P-L-A-N. To fix the Sharks' problems. No heart, all fluff and no substance, terrible on the shootout, no LW or scoring D-men... Plan...

*Doug tightens his grip*

Ron: *gasping for air* Right OK Plan we're gonna let our bargain-basement heart guy go to a conference rival. We're not gonna sign any free agents that could fill in that area or generate some offense from the point. We'll dump salary even though we're already way under the cap. That awesome PP we have? We'll do the exact same thing every power play - they'll never see it coming. Having Carle, Vlassic, Ehrhoff, and Murray, guys with a combined 4 years of NHL experience? They'll be expected to do tons of heavy lifting on the blue line. And our sensitive captain that choked in the playoffs? We'll give him a big fat extension AND a no-trade clause, then expect he'll bounce back from blowing an entire season and a universal bashing from coaches, teammates, fans and the media - just like nothing happened! *still gasping*

Doug: Sounds good.

Ron: Great, I'm gonna hit the links. Be back in 3 months.