As Far As Reassuring Games Go

That was about as reassuring as swift kick to the junk. Still, 2 points is 2 points, and that was a masterful kill near the end of the game. I've happily updated the magic numbers, and added San Jose Games Remaining as requested.

Bad Beat

You take your seat at the table ready to play your game. Things start off fine, nothing too exciting, up until you pick up pocket aces. One thing leads to another, and some jackass with 6-7 offsuit catches a lucky straight and takes half of your chips. That's how the downward spiral begins.

Did I play those aces right? Who calls with 6-7? I just got dealt A-J, should I raise or fold? Why do I even play poker? Before you know it, you don't even have enough chips to make the blinds. Game over.

Anyone that has played enough Hold 'Em is familiar with this situation. One or two ugly bad beats can spiral even the best players out of control and make them question what they're doing and why they're doing it.

The first 30 minutes of last night's game was a nightmare string of bad beat after bad beat. San Jose's best player gets viciously boarded and they only get a 2 minute power play. After failing to score on the man advantage, the Sharks give up a complete softy following a questionable hooking penalty. Pavelski's shot is definitively signaled a goal, only to have the call reversed by video overlords a thousand miles away. A freak puck bounce off the netting fails to be whistled dead, leading directly to a shorthanded goal.

From experience, I know a few things about bad beats:

1. They happen to everyone, especially good players (only good players get bad beats).
2. You can recover from 1 or 2 bad beats, but any more than that, you just need to accept it's just not your day.
3. Everything works out the way it should in the long run.
   

Am I making excuses for the Sharks performance last night? A little. But in perspective, Detroit is an excellent hockey team. You don't beat excellent hockey teams on the road very often, especially not after a long string of horrific luck (and officiating).

Last night proved it is an extraordinary task to beat the Red Wings or Sharks on their home ice. If those teams face up again in May, let's hope the puck drops here in San Jose.

Red Wings vs. Fightin' Lemieuxes

Let's just get this out of the way - I could give two shits about what happened 15 years ago between Detroit and Claude Lemieux. It was 15 years ago, it involved Detroit, it involved Colorado, and it has nothing to do with the 2008-2009 San Jose Sharks.

If you agree, here's the only article you need to read on the history of Claude Lemieux and Detroit and the attitudes going into tonight's game. It's a well-written article that tells you everything you need to know. Then you can ignore all the other pointless muckraking going on on the interwebs today.

The real story of tonight's game is the Western Conference standings. San Jose can take a 7 point lead with a game in hand by the end of tonight. Detroit fans can focus on our bad guy all they want; all I can focus on is getting closer and closer to that #1 overall seed.

What's The Body Armor Code Again?

Achievement Unlocked: Highway Robbery

Check out Grand Theft Nabby shirts and hats in the CafePress store in the sidebar.

Update: Fucking CafePress nazis and their "trademarks" and "terms of use" legal mumbo-jumbo. If I don't get hauled of to Guantanamo, I'll try and get some less infringey merch in there.

Magic Numbers 08-09

One, one very good hockey team... ah, ah, ah!

We're entering the home stretch of the season here, and to me that means 1 thing - MAGIC NUMBERS. Oh magic numbers, the glorious intersection of math and sports playoffs, how I love you so.

This year I'll be running 4 magic numbers for the Sharks. Check over on the sidebar for updates after each Sharks game. Pay attention, they're all a little bit different.


Effective Clinch

Since the NHL Lockout, no team with fewer than 96 points has ever missed the playoffs. So our first magic number is Effective Clinch = 96 - Sharks Points. At that point we can say San Jose has effectively clinched a playoff spot.


Pacific Divison Clinch

Clinching the Pacific guarantees the Sharks a top 3 seed and home ice for the first round of the playoffs. Pacific Clinch = Maximum possible points by team currently in 2nd in Pacific - Sharks Points + 1. Any time San Jose earns points or Dallas leaves points on the table, this number drops.


Western Conference Clinch

Clincing the Western Conference locks up home ice throughout the first 3 rounds and ensures those fucking Red Wings don't take it. WC Clinch = Maximum possible points by team currently in 2nd in West - Sharks Points +1.


President's Trophy Clinch

You guessed it - the number of points to lock up home ice throughout the playoffs. Right now we're dueling with Boston. President's Trophy = Maximum possible points by team currently in 2nd overall - Sharks Points + 1.

Won't you count with me?

Welcome Back

Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational hockey team!

With the flood of comebacks today, here are the lines San Jose rolled today:

Marleau - Thornton - Cheechoo
Clowe - Pavelski - Michalek
Cheechoo - Plihal - Grier
Shelley - Roenick - Lemieux

Boyle - Murray
Blake - Ehrhoff
Semenov - Vlasic

That's just ridiculous. That's unfair to the rest of the NHL. How perfect are each of those 4 forward lines for what they're asked to do? Shelley - JR - Lemieux might be the most annoying line in the league.

Lukowich has been activated, and I'm actually bummed that Semenov is going to be riding the pine. When Mitchell finally comes back and replaces Plihal, we can start cruising through the NHL and blowing teams away with our giant green laser.

A Chum Bucket Exclusive: Doug Wilson At Bellarmine

As a distinguished Bellarmine alumni, I'm entitled to rights and privileges that few can hope to obtain. Like the right to get ripped on at every turn for going to "that school for homos". Or the privilege of having stunted social interactions with females. It's pretty incredible.

One of those rights paid off in spades today, as Doug Wilson addressed a group of about 150 Bellarmine faculty, staff, and alumni over lunch.



The GM began by talking about his background and that he never went to college. He told some stories from his playing days and mentioned his introduction to the business world by taking a job at a Coca-Cola distributor during the NHL off-season. Doug talked about his son going to Bellarmine and the opportunities that presented to him.

After about 20 minutes, Wilson opened the floor to questions and specifically stated, "It's your team, you have the right to ask anything." So awesome. It made me feel like I went to a college with a legitimate sports program (you know what I'm talking about, Plank).

Here's what I recall:

• Some guy stood up and said he asked Wilson at the State of the Sharks to convince him that firing Ron Wilson was the right move. The guy said he was totally wrong and Doug Wilson was right. Well, obviously, you fucking moron. Everyone knew Ron Wilson had to go.
• I asked the second question about how he managed to restructure the blue line in the offseason, in particular by acquiring Dan Boyle. He then told the story of how Boyle became available. This might be a shock to you, but apparently the people that traded Dan Boyle have no fucking clue how to run a hockey team. Do you know how one owner, Oren Koules, made his money? He produced 5 shitty "Saw" movies. Do you know the real reason the other owner, Len Barrie, wanted Dan Boyle out of town? The two played together for the Florida Panthers from 1999 to 2001, and apparently Barrie held some grudge from their playing days. This dream team of incompetence thought it would be a good idea to dump their most talented D-man in a fire sale. Wilson went on to compare and contrast that move with the Joe Thornton trade. He said in both cases the Sharks organization saw an opportunity to improve and bring in a high-character talent, but in Boston's situation the GM got thrown under a bus for making a long term move, whereas Tampa made the move out of spite.
  
• 2 different questions focused on the recovery time for Roenick and Mitchell. Roenick should be back for tomorrow's game. Wilson compared him to the Black Knight in that he'd go out there and try to headbutt people if the doctors would let him. Mitchell should be back "before the end of March". You probably heard that while playing in Worcester, Torrey reinjured the same leg he broke in the preseason. Apparently there are 2 rods supporting Mitchell's tibia, and when he reinjured the leg nothing broke, but the rods got twisted like a high ankle sprain. Nasty stuff. Wilson talked about how the Sharks are one of the few pro sports teams that has injured players travel with the team rather than treating them like lepers.
  
• "Who would you be the first person you would draft if you were building a team from scratch, other than a current Shark?" Wilson acknowledged it was a great question. He said Alex Ovechkin, from the standpoint that not only is he supremely talented and hard working, but also has an incredible love for the game. Wilson asked the questioner the same question back, who replied Jarome Iginla. Wilson gave a bit of a snide chuckle and said, "oh really?" Wilson then talked about how Iginla does have that same love of the game, but doesn't bring the fire every night. He also acknowledged that he's biaised because he hates Calgary. Great insight.
• There was a question about the high hit on Marleau last night and about how Wilson played without a helmet during his days. Wilson said he didn't wear a helmet because that was the culture at the time, and that his brother and Bobby Orr (hero and one-time D-partner) didn't wear one so he didn't either. One year, Doug fractured his skull, so he returned the following year wearing a helmet. That year he had more bruises, scrapes, and cuts on his head than he ever had before. When he wore the helmet, more players took liberties and got their sticks up high on him. He said now, of course, helmets and shields are a necessity, but the most important thing is the NHL cracking down on headhunters. Like Denis Gauthier.
• "Is Sean Avery good for hockey?" As soon as the question was posed, Wilson immediately responded, "He'll never be a San Jose Shark." Then Wilson amended that statement by saying if Avery truly has a medical or psychological problem, he would deserve another chance in the league.

That's about all I can remember from the Q&A portion. The questions overall were surprisingly good (nothing stupid like "who are you going to trade away at the deadline") and the answers were fantastic. Wilson was completely honest and forthright, and told some great stories. The guy is a class act and I couldn't respect him any more. We're lucky to have him in San Jose.

Big hat tip to my buddy Kenny for knowing that my love of the Sharks exceeds my hatred of alumni events and telling me about this. He also helped out with this classic CB post. Check out his blog here.

Ridiculous

Danny Boyle's facepalm goal was fantastic:

But Alexander Ovechkin is ridiculous:

I Went To The Hockey Game Last Night...

...and a playoff game broke out. Where the hell did that intensity come from?

I don't have anything else to add, so here's a story about a monkey literally going apeshit.

I'm down with any news story that reminds me of my favorite Kids in the Hall sketch, The Waiter With Stumps For Hands:

What the hell, might as well go full blown off-topic. Take it away, Troy!

S.O.L.

50 Internet Points if you get the reference

1-2-4 in the last 7 games. 3 shoot out losses have made the Sharks S.O.L. for the last 2 weeks.

There's a couple of prevailing theories floating around on the internet about what's going on.

On one hand, the sky is falling. San Jose used to shut the door on their opponents through the first 30 games. The Sharks would get the game tying goal with 3 seconds, not the Sabres. San Jose would score the final shootout goal, not Pittsburgh. We're seeing a regression to the Same Old Sharks of the past 3 years.

I firmly disagree.

The final record from the 5 game road trip settled at 1-1-3, which looks absolutely horrible on paper, but is still 5 out of 10 available points. We took 2 points from Boston, a point from Pittsburgh the next night after a highly physical game, and a point each from Columbus and Buffalo after battling through early adversity. Those are some pretty significant accomplishments.

Add to this the illness and injury San Jose is facing - We all know JR, Mitchell, and Lukowich are still on the shelf. Now Goc is out for a couple of weeks and there's a wicked flu ripping through the locker room.

I'm not making excuses; I just don't think the sky is falling. Every team goes through slumps and injury, this is just one of the down swings in San Jose's so-far epic season. If you need any more reassurance, Boston has dropped 4 straight and Detroit has lost 2 in a row.

----------------------------------------------------------------

With that said, I think it's time to call out San Jose's top guns. With the exception of Dan Boyle, none of San Jose's biggest stars have been subject to the same illness issues as the rest of the lineup. During the dog days of a season, the top guys should be carrying more than their weight. That has certainly not been happening lately:

• Joe Thornton posted 8 points and a -2 over the last 5 games. If you throw out his 4 assist outburst against Buffalo, that falls to 4 points and a -4 in those 4 games. Sunday vs. the Devils might have been his worst game of the year. The 2 minor penalties he took absolutely killed San Jose.
• Evgeni Nabokov... well, you've been watching. .860 SV% on the road trip. I don't like to think about how Nabby has played lately...
• Gooch & Blake have been a little better, but still posted 0 +/- on the road trip.

Marleau has been the one shining light lately - +2 with 7 points in the last 5 games.

Let's get some big games out of Jumbo & Nabby and snap this thing before the girder-laced sky of HP Pavilion really starts to fall.

The Turning Point

At 1:30 of the above video, everything changed.

From the drop of the puck, the Sharks were scrambling. Sure, they had managed to get a lucky bouncer past Tim Thomas. But they were outshot 13-7 after the 1st and had to rely on Nabokov and his stacked pads to keep them competitive. Not much changed through 10 minutes of the 2nd.

But then, in the middle of the ice in the middle of the game, Douglas Murray lit up an opposing Bruin and changed the course of the game.

From that moment on, the ice began to tilt in San Jose's favor. The Sharks managed to outshoot the Bruins in the 2nd and gain a bit of momentum heading into the 3rd, despite still being down by a goal.

The ice tilt that started in the 2nd became a full scale avalanche towards the Boston goal in the 3rd. San Jose simply would not be denied. Fruitless momentum gave way to game-tying, lead-capturing, and finally game-sealing goals. They weren't the prettiest scores but they were hard work scores - big hits, long cycles in the Boston zone, and a constant barrage of rubber towards the goal. Fittingly, two Sharks with Beantown connections got the final two goals they more than deserved - Joe Thornton and Mike Grier.

It's hard to describe what this game means to San Jose; Detroit's W kept the West race the same. To me, it confirmed a chain of logic:

You might be able to out shoot the Sharks...

You might be able to out hit the Sharks...

You might be able to shut down the Shark offense...

But can you do all 3?

Very few teams can. Those that can might do it for 20 minutes. They might do it for 40 minutes. But shutting down the San Jose Sharks for a 60 minute hockey game has proven damn near impossible - just 7 regulation losses in 51 games.

So how could a team shut down the Sharks in a 7 game series?

The Epic Battle II

Part II in a XXIX part series of Sharks fighting random NHL mascots. Internet artists have way too much time on their hands. You can buy this print here.

Standings By The Numbers

3 games in 15 days. 3 games in 15 days?!? This is hockey season, right? I've been forced to watch scrubs like the Blues on NHL Network just to get my fix. With San Jose FINALLY returning to the ice tonight, I figured it was a good time to take a glance at the standings. And here's the internet's only non-biaised measure of NHL Ranking, The Chum Bucket's Percentage of Points system for the Western Conference:

Embedding spreadsheets is a bitch

A few things that jump out from this and ESPN's traditional standings:

1. Boston has a % of PTS of 0.788, so rest your fears, Sharks fans - we're still on top.
2. Detroit has been a less-than-pedestrian 4-4-2 in their last 10 games. San Jose has a 4 point lead with 3 games in hand.
3. Believe it or not, but the 2nd best team in the Pacific is the Dallas Stars. Going 7-1-2 in your last 10 games will do that. Still 22 points behind San Jose though. So they can still go fuck themselves for all I care.
4. The % of Points ranking really drives home that log jam at the bottom of the standings. Seeds 7-9 are in a dead heat. The bottom 7 teams in the conference are each 7 points or fewer out of the 8th seed. Contrast that to the Eastern Conference, where just 2 teams are in that range (Carolina & Pittsburgh).

What does it all mean? I don't know, but this killed about 30 minutes while I wait for the Sharks to hit the ice, and that's what really matters in the end.

Does Your Mother Dress You?

Hey hey it's great to be here tonight. You know, there is no place in the world quite like Montreal Canada. I've never seen so many people proud of their heritage and their body odor. Hey, look at this guy down in front...

Oh my God! I'm colorblind and even I can tell you fucked up here.


Did you get lost and wander into a Dr. Seuss book?

At least when you get home tonight you're already dressed for bed.

Those are some fantastic jerseys... for me to poop on!