Probable Playoff Opponent

As a math nerd who is a little too obsessed with hockey, I spend an inordinate amount of time goofing off with Excel and fantasizing about the NHL playoffs.

You can imagine I'm quite the lady killer.

I came across these two sites that predict the final standings of the Western Conference. I took the probability of San Jose taking either 1st or 2nd and multiplied it by the probability of each other team landing in the 8th or 7th seed to find an "expected value" of facing each of the following teams in the playoffs.

The percentages on these sites could be completely pulled from the owner's asses and this information isn't really relevant to anyone, but I spent 10 minutes working on it so you can take these percentages as Gospel.

According to PlayoffStatus.com:

• St.Louis - 22.8%
• Nashville - 21.5%
• Anaheim - 20.1%
• Columbus - 14.3%
• Edmonton - 13.9%
• Minnesota - 6.3%

According to SportsClubStats.com:

• Nashville - 22.3%
• St. Louis - 22.1%
• Anaheim - 20.7%
• Edmonton - 12.4%
• Columbus - 11.2%
• Minnesota - 10.4%

If You're Worried About San Jose...

Take solace. Detroit got shut out by the freaking Islanders. And may I recommend a book for you:

Free Pete

FREE PETE!

If making empty threats of physical violence while sitting at home in my underwear is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Seriously though, if your life is so shitty that you move from Alberta to Columbus, then use your free time to prank call arena staff, just kill yourself.

It's Good To Be Home

Gone Fishin'

What Will You Do For Me Later?

I DVR'd the game last night but started watching while the game was still in progress. After their lackluster effort falling down by a goal in the 2nd, I just got sick of it all and fast-forwarded to the live feed... where they were in the middle of killing 18 minutes of a 5-on-3 penalty kill. I don't know how they got in that situation, I don't want to know how they got in that situation. I was somewhat relieved to turn the TV off after the open net goal.

Watching the Sharks play these days has been outright depressing. At the same time, the lack of perspective from Sharks fans, myself included, is startling.

When San Jose tears up the regular season, both by blowing out lesser opponents and refusing to lose versus their equals, we fans chime, "Yeah, but what will you do in the playoffs?" When San Jose hits a regular season slump, the same fans call out, "Same old Sharks, we'll be lucky to get into the 2nd round."

So what happens in the regular season doesn't mean anything, except when it means everything?

San Jose's play lately has been completely frustrating to watch . But San Jose will make the playoffs, almost assuredly as a top 2 seed in the Conference. As tough as it is for us fans, maybe we need to start following our own advice. Instead of asking, "What have you done for me lately?" maybe we should be asking, "What will you do for me later?"

Attempted Murder

I think the Sharks are trying to kill me.

In other news, it was nice of Christian to show up last night.

Sight Gags 101

My new hero, found on the always great Puck Daddy Blog:


Also starring Chum Bucket favorite Alex Semin:


Two ejaculate jokes in one post? All in a day's work.

Who Is Your Daddy And What Does He Do?

Absurdity at its finest:

And now, Part II:

Broken Lines

This update from Working The Corners gives us some idea of the lines McLellan might be running tomorrow. My best guess:

Marleau - Thornton - Setoguchi
Clowe - Pavelski - Michalek
Moen - Plihal - Cheechoo
Shelley - Some Worcester Scrub - Some Other Worceter Scrub/Semenov

Yeesh, that's fucking garbage. On second thought, I think we'll see Patty move down a few lines just to shore up the damage and give Some Worcester Scrub the opportunity to play with Joe. Lemieux, as you've probably noticed, seems more or less out the door at this point.

So San Jose has 4 forwards on IR in various states of disrepair - Goc, Grier, Mitchell, and Roenick. I can't even fathom who will be back when and in what condition they'll be. This doesn't look good.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Over the past few weeks most of the "big trade" speculation in San Jose centered around Jonathan Cheechoo. A lot of fans were apparently frustrated with his lack of scoring and hoped Doug Wilson could swing a 2-way "change of scenery" deal for someone like Ryan Whitney (pre-Anaheim deal).

I, for one, am extremely happy Cheechoo stayed in San Jose. There's no doubt his pure production has dropped off in the past few years and is probably overpaid by quite a bit. However, after a tough stretch dating back to last year, #14 has been playing like a pure 3rd liner and making an impact on the ice. He's throwing his body around and working hard on the forecheck. As a fan, I always get a slight boost from seeing our former Rocket Richard winner out there finishing his checks and driving guys to the ice. He might not be a goal scoring machine any more, but he's still fun as hell to watch.

If there was any team out there looking to overpay for who they thought was an offensive powerhouse, sure DW, go ahead and deal him. That wasn't the case, so I'm just as happy standing pat with our 3rd line grinder from Moose Factory, Ontario.

Just To Clarify

This is a headbutt:

This is a headbutt:

This is a NOT headbutt:

Well, That Was Boring

The trade deadline has come and gone, and don't worry, you didn't miss anything. The only moves of possible consequence to the Sharks involved an overhaul in Calgary. The Flames added Olli Jokinen and Jordan Leopold. How thrilling.

The highlight of the afternoon? TSN's wonderfully super-serious graphic:


Stupid canucks can't even spell right. It's a good thing I'm xenophobic or this wouldn't be nearly as funny.

UDPATE: Whoops, a few minor deals for San Jose. And Big Mac was dealt for a 6th round pick. We'll miss ya buddy. From Working The Corners:

Sharks get scrappy left wing Travis Moen and defenseman Kent Huskins, who is currently on IR, from Anaheim. Looks like two prospects — G Timo Pielmieir at St. John’s of the QJMHL and C Nick Bonino at Boston U — going to Anaheim.

And I’ve been advised that’s the end of the dealing. Hang on for more.

The Sharks sent Kyle McLaren to Philadelphia for a sixth-round pick.

Happy Hockey Holidays

Happy Hockey Christmas everyone, when teams and fans roll out of bed at noon, rub the sleep out of their eyes, and hop on the internet to see what their GM/Santa Claus brought them.

Here in San Jose, our Santa came a little early this year (July). Santa Wilson stuffed Dan Boyle, Rob Blake, and Brad Lukowich in our stocking, bringing joy to all the good little girls and boys. And me.

So pardon me if I can't get too excited for today, which will probably be more like Hockey Hanukkah. There's not a whole lot of areas San Jose can significantly improve in, cap space is incredibly tight, and the injuries to Grier and Roenick mean we need to hold on to Plihal & Goc for depth. We'll hear about all our friends that got a Pronger or a Kaberle or a Nintendo 64; all we'll get is a 6th round pick or a pack of pencils.

At least that's my opinion, be sure to check back here in 2.5 hours when my theory is shot to shit.

The World Will Look Up and Shout 'Save Us', And I'll Whisper... GOAL

My apologies for not updating the Numbers sooner.

Wait, no.

Instead of watching Boosh get needled by the likes of Josh Gorges, I was busy fondling myself to the first 20 minutes of Watchmen at WonderCon. ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG SO AMAZING. There are few things I prefer watching to Sharks hockey, but one of them is Rorschach dumping a vat of hot oil on a prison inmate.

The biggest movement is in the Pacific Clinch number. Dallas has been in a death spiral - 0-5-0 in their last 5 games. In 4 of those losses they mustered only 0 or 1 goal. It's a hell of a long shot, but San Jose could conceivably clinch a top 3 seed by Sunday.

Update: I mocked the tagline first, KSK!