WTF Is This?

Jesus Christ, this was produced by an actual NHL team that's still alive in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. There is no justice in the world.

Spotted on Puck Daddy.

The Best Value In Sharks Reporting On The Internet

I rarely post bullshit like gameday previews or game summaries because A) I'm lazy, and B) you can read the Merc for that stuff. Their staff gets paid for it, you know where to find it, and its free.

Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

This sucks because I really do love the Merc and I can't imagine my life without Working the Corners. If I can pay just for Pollak's stuff, sign me up.

GeneralDisarray's State of the Sharks Recap

...will not be found here, because the General went home, had a beer, and took a nap instead.

For an actual recap, Ryan Garner's is solid.

Update: I liked the Sharks Hockey Analysis recap even better.

In brief, Wilson & Boyle are still pissed off, Marleau & Thornton still don't get it, the sky is blue, and pigs don't fly.

The State Of The Sharks Drinking Game

Unrelated, but awesome

This has to be the only way to make this thing enjoyable. Have fun, and see you in the emergency room!

• 1 drink - a speaker shifts uncomfortably in their seat
• 1 drink - you shift uncomfortably in your seat
• 1 drink - a speaker checks his watch
• 2 drinks - you check your watch

• 1 drink - a fan makes a statement instead of asking an actual question
• 1 drink - a fan asks an unanswerable question like "what the hell happened?"
• 1 drink - a fan rambles on for over a minute. Keep drinking until they stop.
• 2 drinks - a fan raises an issue that they, and they alone, care about
• 3 drinks - a fan complains about the temperature of something
  

• 1 drink - a speaker completely dodges a question
• 5 drinks - a speaker gives a thoughtful, honest, and direct answer to a question
• 1 drink - a speaker spreads responsibility for failure throughout the organization
• 3 drinks - a speaker takes responsibility for the their own personal failures
• 1 drink - Someone from management says something that indicates they want to beat their players with a garden hose
• 3 drink - One of the players says something that indicates they want to beat management with a garden hose
  

• 1 drink - you make it through 30 minutes of the forum
• 3 drinks - you make it through 60 minutes of the forum
• 5 drinks - you make it through 2 hours of the forum
• 10 drinks - if, at any point, you think this was worth your time

Feel free to leave more suggestions in the comments.

This Guy Is Your Commissioner

From the Mercury News:

Commissioner Gary Bettman recently explained the brilliance of his TV strategy to the Sporting News. The interviewer pointed out that in the hotel room where he was headed, the TV doesn't have the channel, and this was Bettman's reply: 'What you need to do in the future, when you make your reservation, call and say, 'Do you get Versus?' If they say no, then you should say, 'You should get Versus or I'm not coming,' and go to a different hotel."

Here's my idea - how about you stop running the league like a fucking dog & pony show and get a legitimate TV deal. Huh Gary? How about that? UGH! Fucking moron.

In other news, 3 game 7's. Wish we were there.

A Friendly Community Get-Together

Come, friends and neighbors, it's time for The State of the Sharks!

My God, this is going to be brutal. Like, "The Office" uncomfortable, where you squirm in your chair and watch between your fingers. Joe Friggin' Thornton is going to be there. You might as well choose to watch a public lynching.

I have no problem being a snarky asshole on the internet, but I do that from the comfort of my mom's basement. I'd rather not sit around listening to 100 other assholes ripping apart Thornton, McLellan, Wilson, and Jamison. Hell hath no fury like a season ticket holder scorned.

Heads Up, Nabokov

No more 5-hole softies. Or Else.



Via Puck Daddy

Grieving, Part III

How would you feel about taking another playoff stomach punch next year? What if I told you the Sharks were keeping the #12, #19, and #20 core intact and trotting out 90% of the same roster from 08-09? I know what I would think - “we are grade A, 100% fucked once the playoffs start. “ I have zero faith this current roster can win the Stanley Cup, and neither do you.

If that’s how little faith you and I have, what do you think the players are thinking? What do you think the veterans from the 03-04 playoff team are thinking, going to war still carrying the baggage and disappointment and failure from the past five offseasons? Do you think those players would have faith that this would be the year?

That’s the heart of the problem. It’s not a problem of talent, of skill, of system - it is now a problem of faith. Even if you think this squad has the talent to win the cup, the system to win the cup, the leadership to win the cup, you don’t have the faith this group will win the cup.

And so, with a twinge of regret, we must unload our baggage. We must lighten the load. The plane is dipping into the horizon; keep only your essentials and cast off the rest.

Goodbye, Marleau injury problems. They always reared up at the worst times. Farewell, Thornton playoff disappearing act. Your numbers were better than most would think, but we needed more than empty numbers from our most talented player. So long, Nabokov lapses in focus. We needed you to steal playoff games, not give them away.

Obviously, all 3 will not be out of teal in 2009-2010, and thankfully so. Top 10 goaltenders, in particular, do not grow on trees. But trading away one or two of the core is necessary, a sacrificial lamb of sorts. Stick all the negativity of the past 5 years on that player, turn them around, and cast them out of town. It was fun while you were here, but it was all your fault, so its time for you to leave.

Will we get fair value in a trade? No.

Will we win the President’s Trophy again? No.

But will we have a reason to believe something will change, that this won’t be the same old San Jose Sharks again? We will. We’ll have to, because we cannot keep spinning our wheels one more year.

Grieving, Part II

Read Part I here.

If your car was stuck in a muddy ditch, you wouldn’t just keep revving the accelerator, spinning your tires, would you? You wouldn’t take a hammer to a square peg, trying to jam it into a round hole, would you? You would stop, consider your options, and take a different course of action.

The San Jose Sharks have been stuck in the muddy ditch of failure for five consecutive postseasons. Revving the tires one more year will only lead to more failure. Something big has to change.

Doug Wilson has taken some heat for the team’s postseason failures and lack of impact from deadline acquisitions. Despite that, he has put a winning team on the ice every year since becoming the General Manager. Wilson cannot be held completely accountable for the team’s on ice performance, especially when the players and coaches have been given every tool needed to succeed. Doug Wilson, don’t go anywhere.

One year ago, Ron Wilson was ousted as head coach and replaced by Todd McLellan. Under Coach McLellan, the Sharks took a more offensive-minded approach to the game, focusing on big shots from the blue line banged in by forwards on the doorstep. The system lead to San Jose’s most successful regular season in team history. It also led to the Sharks first round ouster. The team’s wildly successful start to the season was followed by injuries and disappointing performances in the second half. It’s reasonable to assume rookie head coach McLellan wasn’t ready to modify his system once defenses started to adapt to the new Shark style, or that he was unable to correctly adjust for the wave of late-season injuries (GREAT article by Mike Chen here). Rookies make these kinds of mistakes, but McLellan has shown incredible promise. Good luck in your second year, coach.

That brings us to Patrick Marleau, Joe Thornton, and Evgeni Nabokov. I love you guys. I really do. My first ever personalized jersey is a #19 Joe Thornton. There’s nothing like seeing Patrick Marleau take 3 strides and completely burn past the defender on a breakaway. Nabokov has made the fans in the Tank scream countless times with an incredible sprawling save. I love watching you guys, it’s been incredible following you these past few years, which makes it so tough to say – it’s time for some of you to no longer be San Jose Sharks.

I’m not questioning your talents. Those are indisputable. I’m not questioning your heart. I know you all desperately want to win the Stanley Cup, to shake the stigmas attached to your careers, to be Champions.

Simply put, there’s too much baggage, too many negative thoughts and feelings, and too little faith in the San Jose Sharks to keep you together any longer.

Check back Monday at noon for the third and final installment.

Grieving, Part I

Denial

“There’s no effing way the Sharks are going to choke again.”

Anger

“There’s no FUCKING way the goddamn Sharks are going to choke AGAIN. To the goddamn DUCKS! Why do I bother watching hockey? Fuck buying tickets for next year.”

Bargaining

“We should definitely trade Joe Thornton.”

Depression

“This is the Sharks destiny. There’s no way out of this. So long as Marleau/Thornton/Nabokov/McLellan/Wilson is associated with this team, San Jose will never reach the promised land.”

Acceptance

I’ve run through about every thought and emotion towards the Sharks over the past few days. I’ve gone from wanting to blow the whole thing up except for Boyle to wanting the Sharks to return with mostly the same core. I’ve gone from loving Doug Wilson’s moves to questioning why none of his deadline deals have panned out. McLellan is not the problem – unless you consider stagnant zone entry and lack of player urgency a problem.

To that end, I’m glad I haven’t posted until now. Hopefully, I’ve thought this through.

There’s something inherently corrupted about this team, and something big has to change.

Check back tomorrow at noon for Part II.